the tick-tock of the clock is painful

Well... I haven't posted in here for a couple of months. I've gained weight. I feel so awful. AND it's nearly my Birthday (2nd Jan) so I wanted to look slimmer for then. Here are my stats for those who don't know me: Name: Gemma Age:   23 (nearly 24) Height: 5'0.9"/ 1.549m HW:  106 (BMI 20.21) LW:     69 (BMI 13.36) CW:    90.6 (BMI: 17.17) ED/DIET?: ED. Previously had Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa (seperately and together at various points), curently ED-NOS (unsure of which type because I've been ED-NOS AN type before but now I may be COE/BED tendencies? I'm uncertain). I've been over-worried about my weight since I was 11years old (63lbs) and exercised lots at school and clubs (ballet/tap/modern dancing, drama club, hockey, swimming, aerobics, as well as school P.E.). I began my diet aged 12 (58lbs) and became vegetarian at this time. As I grew older my weight went up (most likely due to puberty) and by aged 15.5 years I'd reached 97lbs (BMI 18.8). My highest weight at that time. Of course I freaked out and lost weight. until I was 17years old and 69lbs (BMI 13.36). Since then I've been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, ED-NOS, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Co-Morbid Clinical/ Major Depression, Starvation-Induced Psychosis/ Psychotic Depression. My weight has fluctuated ever since. I've been hospitalized in 3x ED Units, 4x Mental Health Assesment Units and 4x General Psychiatric hospitals. But I'm hoping to NEVER EVER go back in again. So yeah... that's my weight life story (sort of) lol. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas and aim for a healthy lifestyle without beating yourself up for eating the last chocolate biscuit! Take Care fellow weekly weighers! Love Gemma xxx